Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

I’m wondering about attachment and transference with the therapist and the idea of escape and fantasy? How much do you think your strong feelings, constant thoughts, desires to be with your therapist are a way to escape from your present life? I wonder if the transference serves another purpose than to show us our wounds and/or past experiences, but is a present coping strategy for managing what we don’t want to face (even if unconsciously) in the present—-current relationships, life circumstances, etc. Can anyone relate to this concept of escape in relation to their therapy relationship? How does this play out for you?

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Gut's energy crisis: How metabolism is severely disrupted in chronic inflammatory bowel diseases - Medical Xpress

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

The sadness was still there.

I was tired of fighting.

In 2019, We Discovered a Fungus That Metabolizes Gold — Some Already Want to Use These Organisms as the Key to Mining in Space - Indian Defence Review

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Shortcuts is getting an AI-powered revamp; here’s what that could mean - 9to5Mac

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

And the sadness?

2025 U.S. Open Sunday odds, picks: Proven golf model reveals updated projected leaderboard, surprising predictions - SportsLine

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Be who you already are.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Despite three-owner structure, NFL rules require Carlie Irsay-Gordon to have unilateral control - NBC Sports

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

I had run out of hope.

Planetarium’s discovery about outer solar system shocks astronomers - South China Morning Post

You are like me, then.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

It’s here now, writing to you.

‘Wicked: For Good’ Trailer: Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo Put Glinda and Elphaba to the Test in Dazzling First Footage From Sequel - Variety

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Why would Hugh Grant cheat on Elizabeth Hurley?

It’s still here.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.